Tuesday, July 16, 2013

10 Key Points from The Hidden Lives of Children of Hoarders

  1. As one children of hoarders said, “How can you feel worthy when your own parent chooses garbage over you?”
  2. As children get older they become more conscious of their own vulnerability, worthlessness, helplessness, hopelessness, disgust, embarrassment, and social isolation, connected to feeling less valued than the stuff being hoarded.
  3. Children of hoarders leave, sometimes moving far away to get the psychological distance they need. 
  4. Children of hoarders usually find themselves rejected by their parents. 
  5. Sometimes parents pit siblings against one another and the one that does not interfere with the hoarding behavior is usually preferred. 
  6. By living far away, Children of hoarders miss out on family experiences and celebrations. The whole family is unable to share the family’s evolution over generations. 
  7. Grandchildren cannot visit their grandparents’ homes, and family traditions are lost or never established. Reunions with parents are in hotel restaurants, and holidays are in other people’s homes. 
  8. Some adult Children of hoarders simply walk away from their entire family knowing that separation is the only hope for a better life. 
  9. Even from afar, Children of hoarders wonder:  Will my children ever know my father?  Will my parents need assisted living because they cannot safely navigate the clutter? Will I find my aging parent dead in a pile of trash? Will we have to clean up the mess after they die?
  10. Parents rarely prepare for being disabled or too old to hoard. The children of hoarders' ultimate inheritance is salvaging the remains of a hoarded house.

From The Hidden Lives of Children of Hoarders By Suzanne A. Chabaud, PhD

1 comment:

  1. Children of hoarders are all too familiar with feeling that deep, gnawing ache that knows: Eventually, it all falls down.